The Book of the Damned Small Gods

By David E Romm

Brutha (Dave Romm): This is the Book of the Damned Small Gods.

Vorpis: By "Damned" we mean excluded.

Brutha: By "Small Gods" we mean those proto-deities that require only one thing to be actual Gods: Believers.

Vorpis (Brian Westley): By "Book" we mean radio play.

Brutha: By "of" we mean about.

Vorpis: By "the" we mean "thee".

Brutha: This "book" will be presented in the style of Charles Fort, by which we mean we will read in narrative form, comprising short sentences that may or may not make sense to exclusionists, but make perfect sense to intermediatists.

Vorpis: This "book" will also be presented in the style of Terry Pratchett.


Lu-Tze (Terry Pratchett): Footnote: Terry Pratchett is present in the audience tonight. Charles Fort is not, or is pretending not to be. Therefore, we shall pander to the present.

*bring out turtle*

Vorpis: Hmm... to believe or not to believe, that is the question.

Brutha: You're such an exclusionist!
Vorpis: Positivist!
Brutha: Inside Trader
Vorpis: Televangelist!
Brutha: Rapscallion!
Vorpis: Ninja Turtle!
Brutha: Aha! You do believe!

Vorpis: The Turtle Moves!

Brutha: In 1919, Charles Fort published the first of his books called The Book of the Damned. In it, he lists dozens of cases of animal matter falling from the sky. Frogs fall from the sky, but never tadpoles. All sorts of smelly things fall from the sky.

Vorpis: In 1992, Terry Pratchett published one of his Discworld books called Small Gods, wherein a turtle falls from the sky, conveniently landing next to a true believer of the turtle's divinity. All sorts of small gods fall from the sky, but it takes belief to make them the main character in a book.

Brutha: Coincidence? We are not Exclusionists. Exclusionists are inimical to all data of externally derived substances that fall upon the Earth. They are inimical to all data discordant with a system that does not include such phenomena.

Vorpis: Who said that, Pratchett?

Brutha: Charles Fort. He went on to praise the Intermediatist who saw no underlying oneness to the world. Anything could happen, and if it was reported it had to be true. And that was before cable tv.

Vorpis: Everything that's reported is true! Or at least worthy of a news cycle! Especially if it fits my political viewpoint! Ratings are more important than journalism.

Brutha: What ever happened to good reporting? Doesn't the Bible say something about telling the truth being a good thing? Doesn't bad reporting lead to, well, dumb people saying dumb things?

Vorpis: It's not my fault!

Brutha: It has to be! If you muck up people's minds just because you want them to believe in you, what they do is all your fault.

Vorpis: Who said that, Fort?

Brutha: Terry Pratchett.

Vorpis: Humph.

Brutha: The Book of the Damned Small Gods is ending, but there will be more in the series.

Vorpis: How about a prequel?

Brutha: We would never sink that low.

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