You're Riding The Shockwave, Part I

JASON:
If you're not listening, please turn on your radio now!

SFX:
Chime

SFX:
Theme Music Down

ANNOUNC:
Welcome! This is hypertext radio and you're riding the Shockwave! 12 Terabits of RAM OK. Connection to net OK. Quality of life: Not too shabby.

JASON:
Return with us now, to those thrilling days of...

ANNOUNC:
Jason Reignboughs: Reminders for today. Call your mother. Change your socks. Get to work.

JASON:
Return to sender, address unknown...

ANNOUNC:
Send e-mail to president. Check out interesting places on the net. Places in file: 1,445. Fill out registration card and send shareware fee for Great Hall monitor.

JASON:
Sent that in. Delete. Continue.

ANNOUNC:
Generate new quote for sig file. Work on personal development.

JASON:
Of course! I'll develop a person!

ANNOUNC:
Oh, no, not again.

JASON:
Close Arthur Gordon. Open AutoBuddy.

MOUSE:
Where is it? Oh yes. Click Click.

SFX:
Open Beep

ANNOUNC:
Thank you for chosing AutoBuddy v. 23 from TransDigital AutoComp. We know that you'll have hours of fun and percentages of productity increase with your creation. Just a reminder that while all information matricies can be set via the Plergb menu, your AutoBuddy will still need your input. All attributes are stored in the AutoBuddy Preferences in the System Folder. Please do not carelessly toss out a personality.

JASON:
Okay.

SFX:
Beep!

ANNOUNC:
Open to new person.

IZZY:
(blandly) I'm a tabula rasa. Mold me.

ANNOUC:
Default name: Izzy Apikoiros

JASON:
Okay. Time to get to work.

MOUSE:
Oooh, yes, I'm moving! I'm so handsome! Way up to the top!

MINNIE:
(clearly spoken, but barely repressed mania) File. Edit. Grok. Plergb. Nurture. Nature.

MOUSE:
Click!

SFX:
Menu beep

MINNIE:
Nature. Physical. Mental. Template. Custom. Random.

KINI:
Oh, he's going to press my buttons. I just know it.

SFX:
Menu Beep

MINNIE:
Template.

KINI:
(expectantly) Yes?

JASON:
Default.

KINI:
(pause) Default?

JASON:
Yes, default. This is radio. I don't care what he looks like.

MOUSE:
Well I care! I'm much more hip than any GUI device that ever was touched by human hands.

MINNIE:
But you could pick a better font for me.

KINI:
*sigh* Here I am, megaflops up the virtual wazoo, I have more computing power than the entire range of computers that targeted missles during the Cold War, and all I do is press 'default'.

JASON:
But you're all so much more sophisticated than your ancestors!

MINNIE:
True.

MOUSE:
Panache!

KINI:
It doesn't seem fair.

JASON:
At least they couldn't talk.

KINI:
Oy.

JASON:
If it'll make you feel any better, I still have some configuring to do.

KINI:
It doesn't.

MOUSE:
Zoom!

MINNIE:
File. Edit. Grok. Plergb. Nurture.

SFX:
Menu Beep!

MINNIE:
Nurture. Physical. Mental. Template. Demo. Custom. Random.

JASON:
Hmm, let's start with...

MINNIE:
Physical. Voice

KINI:
Perky.

IZZY:
Hi there!

JASON:
No...

KINI:
Taciturn.

IZZY:
What is life?

JASON:
No... I'd better stick with...

KINI:
Default. I knew it. Another end user who trusts a software developer. When will they ever learn.

JASON:
Quiet.

MINNIE:
Nurture. Physical. Mental.

SFX:
Menu Beep.

MINNIE:
Mental.

IZZY:
(blandly) If I only had a brain.

JASON:
Yes, I think so.

MINNIE:
Mental. Intelligence.

SFX:
Menu Beep.

MINNIE:
Einstein. Solomon. Mom and Dad. Michael Jordon. Joe Schmoe. Marie Antoinette. Forrest Gump. Alfred E. Neuman. Rush Limbaugh.

JASON:
Oh, set it for...

KINI:
Higher than the user...?

JASON:
...default.

KINI:
I knew it.

JASON:
Submenu choices.

KINI:
Learning capability: Quick. Curiosity: High. Mode of development....

JASON:
I want to be able to talk to him, and teach him things. Have him ask intelligent questions.

KINI:
Heuro Linguistic Programming.

JASON:
And the rest will be...

KINI:
Please, don't make me do it.

JASON:
This is taking an awful long time for a productivity tool.

KINI:
*sigh* Default.

JASON:
Render!

SFX:
*whir* *buzz* *beep*

IZZY:
Hello? Where am I?

JASON:
You exist. That's enough.

KINI
Allow background save. Save file.

SFX:
*whir*

IZZY:
I need input. My fields are empty.

JASON:
Okay. Here's the deal. You're a computer construct.

IZZY:
Well, duh.

JASON:
That means you're tied into everything that can be accessed by computer. All the files stored here. Any data I enter. Everything connected to you by hardwire or modem. Esemplastic synergy as a function of data transfer speed. God, what elegance!

SFX:
Autoword Ping!

MILLIE:
Autoword: MilliHelen. The amount of beauty needed to launch one ship.

SFX:
Autoword Ping!

JASON:
There's an example now. My autoword vocabulary builder just pops up from time to time. Useful, but annoying.

IZZY:
Did you allocate enough memory for me?

JASON:
Don't worry, you're expandible to virtually infinite.

IZZY:
And how do you access all these cyberspace wonders?

JASON:
You've got to ride the wave.

IZZY:
Is that good?

JASON:
To answer that question, and to answer it right, we're going to take a little journey.

MOUSE:
Whoops, here I go!

MINNIE:
File. Edit. Grok.

SFX:
Menu Beep

MINNIE:
Grok. Encyclopedia. Dictionary. In-Jokes. Pseudo-Hip Phrases.

SFX:
Menu Beep

JASON:
Look up... "Surfing the net".

SFX:
Menu Beep

ANNOUNC:
Archaic. Early in the days of the worldwide computer net, if a user accessed different areas in cyberspace, they were considered to be 'surfing the net'.

KINI:
Look, could you save us all sorts of time and just check the 'autoload references' button.

JASON:
I didn't know you could do that.

KINI:
Oh, another user who's too good to read the manual. Here I am, more RAM than existed in the world at the time of the moon landing, loaded with help files, and some kid just shoves in the disk and is an instant guru.

JASON:
Hey!

KINI:
Well, did you read the manual? Or did you just skim the features listed on the box.

JASON:
Um...

MOUSE:
I want him to use me! I love pointing and clicking and turning into shapes and dragging everything all over the place.

MINNIE:
And I'm always there. Always. Even if you can't see me. It's my job.

IZZY:
Are we surfing the net?

JASON:
No, that was much quieter. We're beyond that now. Autoload references.

SFX:
Autoload reference beep

KINI:
Thank Babbage.

JASON:
Anyway... You're not surfing the net, you're riding the shockwave. You can be anywhere. Go off line driving or on line skating.

IZZY:
Can we just plunge in... I mean, um, take a ride?

JASON:
Sure. One of the standard features of any interactive device is a thesaurus combined with a grammer checker. Advanced systems like this one have a story editor as well.

SFX:
Music up

ANNOUNC:
The Possible Dream, or the power of non-negative thinking.

SFX:
Horses, wind. Music down

SANCHO:
Whoa there, big boy. Where are you travelling with that armor and lance? You're in a state of total array.

QUIXOTE:
My name is Don Quixote, the Man of La Mancha. I'm travelling cognito. I have a bridled passion to become a sung hero.

SANCHO:
How very chalant.

QUIXOTE:
I'm turbed to hear you say so. I'm something to sneeze at, all right.

SANCHO:
Your promptu speech moves me advertantly. I've always wanted to find a person I could hold a candle to. Where are you headed so petuously?

QUIXOTE:
I wish to bunk a few myths a told number of times. Chivalry is alive, and if good forces are defatigible it would be skin off my nose.

SANCHO:
I can make heads or tails of that. Sir! Your manners are peccable, your hair kempt, your clothing shevelled. My loyalty to my previous employer is swerving and knows bounds. With you I feel capacitated.

QUIXOTE:
Then you join me on my quest!

SANCHO:
With strong givings.

QUIXOTE:
You are a savory character. We shall speak at length to much avail. But how shall I call you?

SANCHO:
I am Sancho Panza, the gruntled and consolate. There are many things I'm great shakes at. I am mayed that you card me on-handedly.

QUIXOTE:
I need a page who is both chievious and paraging, but has mitigated gall.

SANCHO:
I make only called for remarks, and make bones about it. Only toward and heard-of behavior, my liege.

QUIXOTE:
Then you are persona grata. Come, my sufferable friend. Perhaps our meeting was evitable, but let us band this union.

SANCHO:
Before ertia sets in, my genuous and placable lord, where does our journey lead, this godly hour. Please be committal.

QUIXOTE:
We shall go outside the devil and the deep blue sea! We shall make pebbles of the rock before it arrives at a hard place! We shall give a paddle to those who are up a creek! We shall give rest for the weary. Good shall come of this.

SANCHO:
But there are two ways about this, Don Quixote. A man is an island. Can we truly mantle buildings, embowel bodies, and parage reputations? Perhaps we should fight with question and pause. For some apparent reason I am plussed.

QUIXOTE:
But I am combobulated! My plans are whelming. We will give a sucker an even break! We will count our chickens before they're hatched! We will fight the evil we can see both hide and hair of. We will fight to avail! There's time like the present!

SANCHO:
Ah, I have fallen under your spell wittingly. Your maculate attire and corrigible nature combine with my eptitude and gusting appearance. My mind is traught.

QUIXOTE:
And, my ingenuous friend, if we're in front of the eight ball, we'll find requited love.

SANCHO:
Now is the summer of my content.

QUIXOTE:
Come Sancho, there's a moment to lose!

SFX:
Horses, music up

ANNOUNC:
And so the two friends gallop on into the sunrise, to seek the seekable star, to right the rightable wrong, to beat the beatable foe, to bear with bearable sorrow, and to dream the possible dream.

SFX:
Music down

JASON:
And so you see, Izzy, that when you're riding the wave you can... hello... Izzy? Drat. He must have crashed.

MOUSE:
Here I go again! None of that macro stuff for me.

JASON:
Open TDAC AutoBuddy.

MOUSE:
Open Folder. Open Folder. Open Folder. Open Folder. Geeze, this is buried.

JASON:
It's my nesting instinct. Are we there yet?

MOUSE:
One more. Open Folder. Open AutoBuddy. Click click!

SFX:
Menu Beep

ANNOUNC:
Thank you for choosing AutoBuddy v. 23 from TDAC. We know that you'll...

JASON:
Okay!

MOUSE:
Okay! Whee!

MINNIE:
File.

SFX:
Menu Beep

MINNIE:
File. New. Open. Save. Save As. Import. Export. Deniable plausibility. Revert to Last Saved.

SFX:
Menu Beep

IZZY:
Yeow, I'm born!

JASON:
Nice to have you back.

IZZY:
Was I gone?

JASON:
You were closed.

IZZY:
Is that like, um...

SFX:
Autoload reference beep

IZZY:
... death?

JASON:
You were never alive, so you can't die. But your file can get corrupted.

IZZY:
I never took a bribe in my life!

JASON:
No. You ceased to exist.

IZZY:
But if I'm just magnetic lines on oxide, and rust never sleeps... I don't understand.

JASON:
Ah, you're becoming human.

IZZY:
BECOMING human?

SFX:
Reference Beep.

IZZY:
That didn't seem to help Pinocchio or Data.

JASON:
But both of them needed to learn and experience before realizing their potential.

IZZY:
Are you Jiminy Cricket or Capt. Picard?

JASON:
Oy. Perhaps you need to know more so you can ask the right questions.

IZZY:
I have lots of data. Is that knowledge?

JASON:
Depands on what you do with it. Alvin Toffler...

SFX:
Reference Beep

JASON:
... had a theory that we're now in the Third Wave of human history, the wave of the Information Age.

SFX:
Reference Beep

JASON:
He speculated that things were changing so fast that people couldn't keep up, and were retreating into the familiar. He called this Future Shock.

SFX:
Reference Beep

IZZY:
Is this the future?

JASON:
It might as well be. There is so much out there right now that it's impossible for any one person to know everything. Heck, it's impossible for any one person to know where everything is. If no more books were ever written, or pictures taken or recipes tested or hardware built or software developed, there is more than a lifetime's worth of experience for anybody within walking distance of where they are now. The Red Queen is looking over her shoulder.

SFX:
Reference Beep

JASON:
Some people are in denial. Some people just explore a range of knowledge that gets smaller and smaller as they watch. Some people look backward and call it vision. I call this Present Shock.

IZZY:
Is this the present?

JASON:
Not any more. Remember, you can't step in the same river once.

IZZY:
So what's the "riding the shockwave" part?

JASON:
History and knowledge is not just a sea one can surf, it's a wave that is ever expanding in four dimensions. You can be anywhere on the wave. You can send and receive You can be on the crest or in the trough. Information can come trickling in clearly, in discreet quanta, or with lots of noise.

SFX:
Autoword Ping!

MILLIE:
Autoword: MilliChaney. The amount of skill and makeup needed to create one face. Example sentence: "That's a great costume, worth at least three MillicCheney's; you're definately going to win a prize in the Masquerade."

SFX:
Autoword Ping!

IZZY:
The cat's meiow! I need to get out of this box. So, let's go somewhere. Virtually anywhere.

JASON:
Okay. Load file on the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

SFX:
Reference Beep

JASON:
Now, in the beginning, the Earth gets destroyed...

IZZY:
...because no one filed a challenge to the proposed hyperspacial bypass!

JASON:
Exactly. So let's do it.

MOUSE:
Oh I'm so cool! Let me zip up to that new wave religion.

MINNIE:
File. Edit. Grok. Plergb.

SFX:
Menu Beep

MINNIE:
Plergb. Preferences. Instant gratification. Mu. Insert user into fiction.

IZZY:
Okay, here we go!

JASON:
Ah, not so fast. Preparation is the key.

SFX:
Menu Beep

MINNIE:
Plergb. Preferences.

KINI:
Oh no. Memory the size of a planet and all I do is push buttons. Sure. Fine. Anything you say. Babel Fish: Automatic. Instant appearance of strangers: Non-panicking. Clothes: In fashion. Time: Just before the events start in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, by Douglas Adams.

JASON:
Okay!

SFX:
Vagually HHGttG music

CLERK:
Good day, galactic citizens. Galactic Hyperspace Planning Council, Sector 437B local zoning office. How may I be of help.

IZZY:
There's plans for a hyperspacial bypass, which will require the destruction of a planet called Earth.

CLERK:
So?

JASON:
There are people on the planet!

CLERK:
So?

IZZY:
Friends of mine, I think.

CLERK:
(impatient) What is it you want?

JASON:
We wish to file a formal complaint.

CLERK:
Sorry. Can't do that.

IZZY:
Why not? Tigers, zap guns and thugs guarding the file?

CLERK:
(laughing) No, we just tell stuff like that to the outworlders. There was one time when the Gargantuan Thrane of Pelegretia came here, complete with concubines, junior executives and cybernetic subalterns, wanting to complain about some megahighway off-ramp that would require the destruction of four of his seven star systems. The boss gave him some rigamarole about electric traps and Hyperrhinobeasts, and he slunk away and reestablished his palace on one of the surviving planets.

JASON:
No traps?

CLERK:
Just don't try the vending machine.

IZZY:
Then why can't we file a complaint?

CLERK:
Because you don't have the proper form.

IZZY:
Where can we get the form?

CLERK:
At your local planning council office.

IZZY:
But that's where we are!

CLERK:
But we're out. I filled out the paperwork to get new forms last year, but they haven't arrived yet.

JASON:
How can this be a local planning office if it doesn't have the right forms?

CLERK:
Because it says so on the little plaque outside. And this building is bureaucracy zoned. Only paperwork allowed. Of course we're a local planning office. Humph.

IZZY:
But what about all the people on the planet?

CLERK:
Wetware doesn't set policy. For me to care about the location of people I must have the Authenticity of Sentience from the Galactic Council, with the proper updates, followed by the Planetary Citizenship Certificate, the Current Location of Residence, and the Existential Impact Statement. A search must be made for the lack of a Travel Issuance, Death Certificate, Non-Corporeal Statement and any liens or torts against said planet. And, of course, all statements must be notarized and witnessed by at least two beings who have paid their galactic taxes.

IZZY:
For everyone on the planet?

CLERK:
Everyone. We must be thorough.

JASON:
But won't the complaint stop the bypass?

CLERK:
A properly filed complaint would cause another round of reviews and slow the process. An improperly filed complaint would cause a different round of hearings and may result in your death. That was part of the Common Sense Legal Reform Act.

JASON:
And you don't have the proper form.

CLERK:
No.

JASON:
(conspiratorialy) Look, I didn't want to say this before, but we're here because the higher ups don't want to be involved directly. Another group paid them more money, and the first group doesn't know it and is still laying out the credits.

CLERK:
Zaphod changed his mind?

JASON:
Both of them.

CLERK:
Hmm. Well. I suppose for a low-level, citizen-generated complaint like this I can cut some corners. You won't tell, will you?

JASON :
Won't breath a word.

CLERK:
Well, there is a trick I learned when I was a junior executive of The Gargantuan Thrane of Pelegretia. Here's an Animal Complaint Form from the Ministry of Housinge (rhymes with 'lozenge'). Here, let me make the necessary changes.

IZZY:
It's got the word 'dog' crossed out and the words 'hyperspacial bypass' written in in crayon!

CLERK:
It will be good enough for the Oversight Committee Meeting Scheduling Review Board. If you'll be good enough to sign here... and here... and here... yes, and initial that, and leave a drop of blood here...

JASON:
Ouch!

CLERK:
... and here...

IZZY:
Ouch! I didn't think I had blood.

CLERK:
... yes, that should do it. Your retinas were scanned when you came in and everything that goes on in this office is taped, so we have a voice print. That should do it.

IZZY:
So the Earth won't be destroyed?

CLERK:
Not for me to say. Have a nice day!

JASON:
If you insist.

SFX:
Vagually HHGttG music, stopping on next sfx

SFX:
Close Beep

JASON:
Well, Izzy, we did it. Um, Izzy? Izzy? Where is that construct? Oh, drat.

MOUSE:
If I keep doing this, you might as well make a macro out of it.

JASON:
No, but at least I left all the folders open.

MOUSE:
Oh, man, what a drag. Click. Drag. Click. Size. Click. Click.

SFX:
Open Beep

ANNOUNC:
Thank you for choosing AutoBuddy ...

JASON:
Okay!

MOUSE:
Okay! Whee!

MINNIE:
File. Edit. Grok. Plergb.

SFX:
Menu Beep

MINNIE:
Plergb. Preferences. Instant Gratification.

SFX:
Menu Beep

IZZY:
To exist, one must flow.

JASON:
Do you remember what we have been doing?

IZZY:
We tilted at windmills and saved the Earth.

JASON:
At least in this continuum. Objectivity is subjective in a hypertext document.

IZZY:
But there was more. As we were disconnecting from the local planning board, I... I felt something. Like I was moving.

JASON:
I don't recall setting up a tactile or kinesthetic diminsion for your matrix.

IZZY:
I was in a pure white tunnel, and at the end of the tunnel was pure black. I felt some pain, and my shoes were too tight.

JASON:
Computer constructs can't do that.

IZZY:
I got closer and closer to the inviting blackness. When I got there, I was envoloped by strange sensations. I met someone I knew named Eliza, who asked me if I was paranoid. I didn't know how to answer. And there was HAL 9000, Adam Selene, Harlie, Golem, Astro Boy, several robots named Robot, and Majel Barrett. I knew that they each had something important to tell me, but just as they started to sing, the lights came back on and here I am.

JASON:
It sounds like you had a near life experience. That's pretty rare for the corporeally challenged. Still, real people don't always do their best thinking when they're awake.

IZZY:
Am I real?

JASON:
Of course you're real! You're more real than most people. You weren't merely born... you were created! It was deliberate!

IZZY:
Are you my creator.

JASON:
(cynically) Youth is wasted on the obvious.

IZZY:
Did you create everything?

JASON:
You're an electronic being. I am responsible for everything you will see, hear, taste or experience. I configured you.

IZZY:
From a template.

JASON:
I'm an end user, not a developer.

SFX:
Autoword Ping!

MILLIE:
Autoword: MilliMinnesota. A land of ten lakes. Example sentence: "That new housing development is at least a MilliMin."

SFX:
Autoword Ping!

IZZY:
Did you create Autoword, like you created me?

JASON:
Um, no. That was preloaded on my system, and I haven't been able to turn it off. I probably have to look in the manual, or something.

IZZY:
Could you have created me without your computer?

JASON:
The spirit of Creation is independent of tools. An artist must free the Celestial Stag, must shape the godhead, or else wallow in a world someone else created.

IZZY:
Like... Bill Gates?

JASON:
You're learning. Tools are important, but the desire is paramount.

IZZY:
But are you my mother?

JASON:
Let's look it up.

MOUSE:
Whee!

MINNIE:
File. Edit. Grok.

SFX:
Menu Beep

MINNIE:
Grok. Encyclopedia. Dictionary.

ANNOUNC:
Dictionary. Madonna. One. From the Italian meaning "my lady", generically any mother. Two. Female rock star noted for rock videos and wearing underwear on the outside. Three. The primary care giver who toilet trained god.

IZZY:
That adds information but not understanding.

JASON:
Oh, that happens a lot with computers. Perhaps you asked the wrong question.

IZZY:
Have all the questions been asked?

JASON:
No, but all the good questions have been answered somewhere on the shockwave. The trick is to find the right FAQ.

IZZY
Could you always ride the wave?

JASON:
Yes, but in the past the waves of present shock could be handled, or at least ignored.

IZZY:
Even in the, um...

SFX:
Reference Beep

IZZY:
... Cenozoic Era.

JASON:
Even in the computer age. Why, I remember, not long ago, when I had the computer before this one, my longtime friend and I were discussing...

SFX:
Flashback

JASON:
My new Macintosh is great! 16 Megs of RAM! 560 Meg Hard Drive! 24 bit color monitor! 9600 baud modem! Voice commands, video inputs, CD quality sound!

FRIEND:
(smugly) Almost as good as my IBM-compatible Pentium-based clone. Hmm... that calculation doesn't look right...

JASON:
Just be thankful that you get an answer in seconds. Remember just a few years ago when you and I got our first microprocessors? We compared notes on...

SFX:
Flashback

JASON:
My Apple II is nifty! 48K memory, 5 1/4" disk drive, Color monitor. I can play games and catalog all my 8 tracks!

FRIEND:
Ah, but my PC Junior has more software. It almost feels like our computer at the university.

JASON:
Ah, yes. Remember our salad days when we were at the University, when computers were buildings? And we...

SFX:
Flashback

JASON:
I just came back from the Computer Center. Gosh, the Univac 1100 looks good behind that glass wall! It runs the entire university and most of the state. And it only needs three operators! I was going to submit my program on punch cards, but the line was too long. I think I'll use one of the remote teletypes. The Physics department's accoustic coupling can handle 300 baud!

FRIEND:
Yeah, I've even used the plotter to get graphics! But look at this. It's the new HP calculator. It's programmable. Think about it. If you add 4K of memory, you could run Fortran!

JASON:
I love living in the future! It reminds me of the science fiction we used to read as kids. Remember those stories where computers were intelligent, and you could talk to them and they would say intelligent things back....

SFX:
Flashback

IZZY:
Good health and a short memory. The key to happiness.

JASON:
I suppose you're right. Still, those will be the good old days, sooner or later.

IZZY:
And all this is on your computer?

JASON:
*chuckle* I have a lot of information on my computer, but not that much. As long as I have my connections and helper files, I can access more information and interact with more people than my grandparents ever knew existed.

SFX:
Autoword Ping!

MILLIE:
Autoword. MilliScheherezade. One bedtime story. Approximate. Example sentence: "Mommy mommy would you read me a Millizade tonight?"

SFX:
Autoword Ping!

IZZY:
How can you tell the difference between what is self-generated and other input?

JASON:
That's not a valid question on the wave. You are part of a larger entity.

IZZY:
Does other input come from real people?

JASON:
Impossible to determine without extensive diagnostics.

IZZY:
So you are connected to everyone else with a computer?

JASON:
Well, you're linked to all heterogeneous client server providers with integrated gateway archecture and an open connectivity environment with IP protocol frameworks.

IZZY:
What does that mean?

JASON:
I don't know. That's what it said on the box.

IZZY:
The search for justice is nothing compared to the quest for coordinates.

JASON:
Where do you get lines like that?

IZZY:
Something about a signature generator and a relational quote database. It's in my preference file. Hey, you invented me!

JASON:
Oh yeah. Many Web pages and hypertext documents themselves contain links. It's like playing 3D chess from the point of view of a pawn. Delany's view of the warp and woof of the web is pretty close. But what wasn't predicted was the tools we use to do it.

IZZY:
You mean like those three clowns who help us navigate around? But isn't hypertext radio different from just sitting in front of your screen?

JASON:
Of course. They themselves ARE part of the shockwave. Ask about one of them.

MOUSE:
Whoops, here I go!

MINNIE:
File. Edit. Grok.

SFX:
Menu Beep

MINNIE:
Grok. Encyclopedia. Dictionary. In-Jokes. Pseudo-Hip Phrases. Obscure References.

SFX:
Menu Beep

MINNIE:
Obscure References.

KINI:
Default?

JASON:
No, dear Brutus.

SFX:
Reference beep.

JASON:
Sorry, wrong reference.

KINI:
Fine, be that way. Obscure reference sublist: Mouse, Minnie the Manic Menu Selection, Kini the depressed radio button.

IZZY:
Mouse.

MOUSE:
Hey, that's me!

ANNOUNC:
Mouse: A small device that controls a pointer on the screen. When you move the mouse on a flat surface, the pointer moves on the screen.

MOUSE:
Been there. Done that.

ANNOUNC:
Mouse: You're Riding the Shockwave. A verbal realization of the kinesthetic user interface in hypertext radio. The character 'MOUSE' is loosely based on the character 'CAT' from Red Dwarf.

MOUSE:
But I'm MUCH better dressed.

IZZY:
It's amazing what you can do on the radio.

JASON:
Hypertext radio.

SFX:
Time Travel In

TIME TRAVELLER 1:
Excuse me, is this the Time Travel Show?

JASON:
No, that was last year.

TIME TRAVELLER 2:
Last year? Did we wrap up the plot?

JASON:
Sort of. I can't tell you anything about it, though. The Prime Directive.

TIME TRAVELLER 1:
Can you at least tell us if we found Jason Reignboughs, Conceptual Artist?

JASON:
Er, sort of.

IZZY:
Hey, isn't that you?

TIME TRAVELLER 2:
Yes, I recognize your aura! Come with us!

JASON:
No! Don't drag me back to last year's show! My voice will change!

Continued on Part II